Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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