i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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