I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
