Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
