Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize