Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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