I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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