I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I think I just sharted jello shots
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