did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
