you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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