What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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