Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
