I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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