At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
