u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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