I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
