You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
