I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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