We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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