Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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