He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
