she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
