I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
