He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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