There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
