***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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