After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
