I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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