I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
