you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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