3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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