just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
