I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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