Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
