yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
