awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
