you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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