just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
