I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
