Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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