you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
