She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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