i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
