my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
