I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
