i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize