Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
