he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
