he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
