i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
