I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
In America we eat man semen.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
