All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
