At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
