So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
