so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
