so let's talk penis.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
