Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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