I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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