what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
