Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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