he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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