Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
