Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have already put on my inside pants.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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