the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
