I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
