Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
