I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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