She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
