I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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