I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
