just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
