Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
